ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
