Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
