We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Randomize
