Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
