Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
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