We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
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