Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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