I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I woke up under a house in Key West
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
