I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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