some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
