I wish i was in the wii world.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
she peed on how many people?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
