I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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