I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
