he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Randomize
