I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
