Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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