He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
