found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
