I am in a vortex of obligation.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
