How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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