Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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