His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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