and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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