My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
