i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I know her cup size but not her name....
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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