My balls are so social today.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
