So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
