Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
