I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
