like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
