Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
