party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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