Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
