saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
this just has baby written all over it
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
