I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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