when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
