Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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