I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
