I wish i was in the wii world.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
