Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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