The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
