The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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