So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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