i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
