He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
