I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
