You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
