Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
