I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
