Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
