bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
