I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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