Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
