You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
