chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
